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Ensure safe boundaries in youth ministries

Highlights

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It's 30 minutes after a youth group meeting and only one youth is left, awaiting a ride. He says he called his parents but that no one was home. You offer him a ride, but five minutes into the drive you wonder, "Was this a smart thing to do?"

Your group has traveled across the country and is staying in a hotel on the way to the ELCA Youth Gathering. One of your male adults is spending too much time with, and attention on, a particularly needy high school female. They frequently hug and he sometimes puts his arm around her shoulder. Some of the kids are whispering about it and one of your adult volunteers says to you "This needs to be addressed."

You're talking with a young person of the opposite sex who is in a vulnerable emotional state after her parents divorced. While in your office alone with her, she bursts into tears and buries her head in your shoulder, sobbing. You ask yourself, "What if someone walks by my office and see this?"

Reality check!
Each of these scenarios has happened in our congregations. As much as we'd like our young people's experiences to be positive, it is a sinful world and sometimes awful things happen.

We can set up policies and be proactive in our planning, but we can't always anticipate the human element. Any of these ministry moments could have turned into tragedy had they not been handled well. In each of these situations, people were vulnerable to actual abuse occurring, or to accusations being made.

Of course, it's tragic when abuse or false accusations occur anywhere. But it's even worse when it happens within a church, because the trust that is broken can destroy faith and split entire communities.

We can't list all of the possible situations, policies and steps that congregations should consider. Entire books and manuals about this very topic are available. However, there are some basic, helpful questions that churches should be asking themselves as they begin the process of finding ways to protect God's children and young people, volunteers and staff:

  • Do we have current position descriptions that frame the role of a volunteer?
    Volunteers need to know what is expected of them. You can then say things such as "I understand that the young person needed a ride home. However, your role isn't to drive her yourself, but rather to help her get into contact with her parents."
  • Do we screen our volunteers?
    Volunteer screening is becoming common in churches. Schools, sports organizations and scout groups have been doing it for years. There are different kinds of screening, from simple personal references to full criminal background checks. The key is to assess your risk. Does a Sunday school substitute need a criminal background check, or just a reference check? What about an adult going on a week-long mission trip with young people or someone who is driving them?

    Each congregation needs to assess its own risk and develop its own guidelines for screening. Just remember that some kind of screening will help protect young people and might scare away potential perpetrators. Perpetrators are looking for easy access to vulnerable youth, and often, just seeing a volunteer application tells perpetrators that they should move on.

  • Do we develop trusting relationships with parents?
    The number one asset in an effective youth and family ministry program is parental trust. That trust must be protected at all costs. Holding a parents' night or publishing a parents' newsletter may convince parents that you are an ally and resource to them. If they're going to send their kids on a church event, they can trust you. This will help to avoid problems of miscommunication later.
  • Do we avoid one-to-one situations?
    Strive to follow the two-adult rule, in which an adult is never alone with children. Consider setting the goal that an adult will not be alone with one child, but will only be with them in groups. During Sunday school, an adult in a supervisory role checking into classrooms (delivering supplies, etc.) serves as a second adult.
  • Do we avoid risk at overnight events?
    Overnight events, retreats or trips are especially risky because there are so many opportunities for abuse to occur. We even take youth to gatherings where four share a room and sometimes youth and adults are asked to share a bed. Simple policies against this help remove opportunities for bad things to happen, as well as misunderstandings.
  • Do we have procedures in place for when problems come up?
    We need to know how to react if and when an accusation is made. Our first obligation is always to protect the young person who may be the victim. However, we also have an obligation to the volunteer or staff person who might be accused. How will we protect them if an allegation is made? Who will investigate the situation? Who is our legal counsel? Who is our spokesperson in case the allegation becomes public? Knowing the answers to these questions in advance will help us navigate through difficult times.

    Statistically, actual abuse in congregations rarely happens. It is much more likely to happen with a friend or family member. However, it does occasionally happen. We have a moral obligation to take preventative steps that may side step a tragedy.

    In our congregations, asking these questions can be perceived positively or negatively. It's important to communicate that these are positive steps we take for the welfare of our young people. While there may be some people who feel threatened, the church must take the position that our children and youth are so important to God and to us that we must do whatever we can to protect them. Having an effective volunteer risk management plan is a proactive way to help our kids come to know God more fully, and to make our congregations child and youth friendly places for them to safely grow into adulthood.

    Resources

    Books

Contributed by Todd Buegler and Sue Nyberg, Lord of Life Lutheran Church, Maple Grove, MN

  • Index of ELCA Youth Ministry Help Sheet topics.

  • ELCA Youth Ministries home.

Permission to reproduce for local use. Copyright © 2005 Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. ELCA Youth Ministry.
1-800-638-3522, ext. 2447.