Current research on young adult men provides grist for helping congregational leadership reach out to them with the good news of Jesus Christ.

The myths, stereotypes and false conclusions regarding young men in our culture are often exaggerated or misinformed.

Consider but three of these current untrue stereotypes.

1. A popular book on young men proclaims that all young men are wounded by their fathers. Our research shows this description to be far from a more complex truth; in fact we found that most young men love and look up to their fathers.
    
2. Many church leaders assume that young men are not particularly interested in spiritual matters. Our research shows something quite different. Young men are spiritually curious, but congregations generally fail to recognize the character and style of young male spirituality.
    
3. The assumption is often made that young men want to be, or need to be, stoic, unfeeling, silent, rugged individualists. As one young man told us, “the truth is, men are like M and M’s,” hard on the outside and soft on the inside.” Our research shows that young men yearn for intimate and caring relationships with other men but that the style of caring and intimacy looks different from how the church generally understands these terms.

Parameters of Study
These are but a few of the findings that came out of a research project done on behalf of Lutheran Men in Mission now summarized in our new book titled COMING OF AGE: The Search for Spirituality and Identity of Young Men (Augsburg Fortress, due out in December 2005).We spent more than a year interviewing young men in a wide variety of settings including northern California, the Seattle area, southern Texas, North Carolina, the northeast coast and the upper Midwest. These young men ranged in age from 18 to 35 and were from a variety of ethnic groups and socioeconomic classes. In addition, they represented a range of religious commitments from fully engaged in the life of the church to completely absent and disaffected.

We identified seven factors that make up the tapestry that describes young men coming of age spiritually as they come to terms with their emerging identity. We also discovered that the church, as well as young men, might well come of age by rethinking its assumptions and practices if it is to do ministry to and with young men.

Seven Factors
Value Fathers and Older Male Mentors:
Young men look to and value relationships with other men, especially their fathers and older male mentors. Whereas some of these young men had difficult relationships with their fathers, most young men described to us in tearful and powerful ways their love and respect for their fathers. One man talked of the turning point in his life, when his father came and bailed him out of jail and spared him the long lecture. It was a life-shaping experience of grace. Another man spoke of the power of his father’s permission giving when he voiced an interest in pursuing a music career. Yet another spoke of his emerging faith triggered by the witness of his boss while at a private luncheon.

Young men are eager for authentic relationships with other men. Furthermore, God’s Spirit kindles their spiritual development through them. Congregations would do well to incorporate older men and fathers into the lives of their young boys and men.

Facing Crises and Stresses:
Most young adult men go through a variety of crises and stresses as they seek a balanced life. We heard powerful stories of victimization and self-inflicted wounds from these young men. One young man was beaten nearly daily as a boy by his mother; another lived with the hurt and rage of being abandoned by his father in middle childhood. Others demonstrated their immaturity by living immoral lifestyles and failing to take responsibility for themselves. Most significantly, these men grew spiritually when other male Christians did not give up on them. A young man spoke of the pain and sense of betrayal that came through his divorce. He stopped going to church and isolated himself (a common male coping mechanism). One day his pastor came to his door and said, “We know she left you, but we won’t, so why don’t you come on back to church?” It was a new beginning for him.

Significant Life-Changing Experiences:
The spiritual lives of young adult men are often shaped by significant life experiences. Specifically, immersions through mission trips, retreats, events, group gatherings, camps, or travel play a most significant role in shaping their spiritual lives. Congregations would do well to incorporate a steady diet of these offerings if they wish to connect with young men. Weekly worship and congregational life will not speak as clearly to them as regular and powerful immersions. What makes these experiences so powerful is that they often serve as rites of passage for them. Such experiences would play a very important role in a culture that offers no rites of passage for men.

Role of Nature and Sports:
Nature and sports play a huge role in shaping and giving expression to young men’s spirituality. Young men will very likely incorporate a significant kinesthetic element into their spiritual development. They experience God and personal renewal through their bodies by working out, competing, hiking, climbing mountains, lifting weights, snowboarding, biking, doing martial arts, or working with their hands. In addition, they bond with one another through these activities. Congregations that emphasize small-group ministry and discourage playful competition without incorporating a significant kinesthetic element may be biasing their ministry, and the young men will not engage. A general guide for working with young men is to work shoulder-to-shoulder rather than face-to-face with them.

Service and Care for Others:
Young men are willing to do service and care for others, most likely with and for their family and friends. The young men we met did not reflect the hedonistic stereotype of the selfish young adult. Rather, they generally had incorporated a personal honor code roughly equivalent to living by the golden rule. We often heard them talk about wanting to live up to the expectations of their family, coaches, mentors, and supervisors. They spoke of wanting to give something back. While this is admirable, we concluded that this honor code was generally limited to their circle of family and friends. Thus, congregations that speak of their church life as “feeling like family” may be offering a limited understanding of the neighbor to these young men. There is also a great need to expand young men’s horizons to understand service in a more global sense.

Male Identity:
As young men discover their identity they often define it in terms of work and career. For the most part they are achievement oriented and define who they are by what they do. Sadly, only rarely did we interview a young man who understood his work as his vocation or calling. More often, work was an economic necessity rather than activity which gives life meaning. Congregations would do well to help young men understand the meaning of vocation and call and assist them in finding work or volunteer outlets that match their gifts with the world’s needs.

Spiritual Hunger:
Young men are spiritually hungry but not necessarily religiously connected. Reflecting much of the culture, they do not look to or value the institution of the church or its traditions. Rather, their spiritual hunger and source of authority are centered in their own personal experiences or sense of right and wrong, while, at the same time, drawing from the larger normative culture. Theirs is a personal spirituality rather than a corporate one. Congregations would do well to emphasize informal and accessible worship styles, build on personal, trusted relationships, and connect the Christian message through story, metaphor, and analogy to their life situations.

Coming of Age
Our research describes the character and style of the spiritual journey of young men. Some elements of these descriptions and ministry strategies could apply to young women as well, but that was not the scope of our study. The church has both lamented the loss of its young men and resigned itself to it. This research shows that young men are far from lost, but they are disconnected from the life of the church.

David W. Anderson, Paul G. Hill and Roland D. Martinson, all pastors of the ELCA, make up the research team for the Lutheran Men in Mission Young Male Spirituality Study. Anderson serves at the Youth and Family Institute in Minneapolis. Hill is an affiliative faculty member at Luther Seminary on the Children, Youth and Family Ministry Initiative team. Martinson is professor of pastoral care at Luther Seminary, St. Paul, Minnesota, and a member of the same team.