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I. Of Mop Handles and Bowstrings: Some Mentoring Moments As I reflect on my own ministry I realize that mentoring pairs are always forming, both formally and informally. For more than a year I never knew that the sexton was a musician and a poet. William Garcia cleaned the church on Saturdays, a quiet and competent high school kid. He was as reliable in his church going as in his cleaning. A year into our polite relationship we finally had a real conversation. Our church was thinking of starting worship in the Spanish language. I began trying out the idea in a series of one-to- one sessions with some of our Hispanic members. One day I finally listened to William Garcia. We sat for over an hour in the church basement and I listened as he told me about his passion for the violin, his love of poetry, the jumble of his family life, his effort to hammer out an education and musical excellence from the local school system. Looming over our conversation, as it does for most city kids, was the street. I asked: "Will you meet with me each week for a month and teach me about what your life is like as a Colombian immigrant and student in NY public schools? And, oh yes, and will you play the violin in church sometime?" He smiled. The next Sunday he played "Beautiful Savior" and made a lot of people cry. It was not mawkish, nor sentimental, but played with clean, lyrical grace and the confidence of faith. William and the other Hispanic members became my mentors in mission.. The process of mentoring led to new initiatives in neighborhood ministry. When we began our Spanish language worship, it was William who accompanied us on the hymns and who wrote the prayers for that liturgy in language of poetic splendor and trust in God. He played, prayed, and led because one day I stopped ignoring him and listened. It is a critical ministry of the church to listen, to challenge, to invite. The church's servant ministry must extend the altar, the font and the Word into the world where William Garcia and others wait with their music inside them. I think of Ray, a real estate broker whose child attended our parish nursery school. When he began occasionally attending our church we made a mentoring agreement. He gave advice on affordable housing. I listened and helped him address some of his deep spiritual hunger and to find and act on a noble vision. Out of our six mentoring lunches in a Cuban restaurant in New Jersey the church gained a housing activist and school board chair, and Ray gained a sense of purpose and renewal of faith. Fifteen mentoring sessions with Eric provided him instruction leading to confirmation, and gave me insight into sharing the Gospel with one who is deaf, finding ways to communicate biblical truths and words in a way that would connect to his non-hearing world. Mentoring relationships strengthened my pastoral ministry and helped me grow in the ability to be both recipient and giver of wisdom. Ten weekly lunches in a Queens diner with a community organizer taught me much about the nature of faith in the public arena, discussing everything from Reinhold Niebuhr and the Apostle Paul’s missionary methods, to how community is developed in unfolding relationships. Over those lunches I learned about power, self-respect, and the importance of planned meetings with mayors and governors. I experienced the exhilaration of exploring the public dimensions of baptism, Eucharist and the Biblical drama. Monthly meetings with an African American pastor became an exchange of wisdom and a lesson in effective community organization and the way faith flowers in the Black community. Crisis intervention with a young man from Brazil grew into a series of four mentoring sessions in which his life stabilized and I was given entry into network of Brazilian families who eventually joined our church. In each of these examples it is the relationship itself, a gift of God, which shines forth like a radiant gem. Each have been gifts of God, signs of Christ's presence. You might provide your own list. Think about it. Most of the important decisions we make are done in one-to-one contexts: getting married, changing jobs, making a large donation of time or money, moving, joining a church, having a baby, choosing a school. If I had used the church's common method for getting volunteers or filling church council positions as my method for getting married (newsletters, bulletin announcements) I would still be single! Yet we lose so many opportunities to develop relationships because we do not have a plan to build them. II. Walking on Water: Opportunities to Grow "And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water." Jesus said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water. " (Matthew 14:28-29) The story of walking on water is a mentoring story. Jesus approaches on the water in the night, in the fourth watch--a technical term in Hebrew--the bewitching hour, a time when all that we fear and can't control is at large. Peter wants to give it a shot. Jesus is never more a mentor than when he invites Peter out of the safety of the boat. "Come!" Who is inviting the faithful and those who are seeking a way out of the boat these days? Who is calling them to spiritual maturity, to human competence? Do we know how many sextons are poets and violinists can help fix the boiler? Is church a place where the development of faith and competence is the highest mission? Is your church a place which represents the safety of the boat or the scary, exhilarating invitation to walk on water? So let’s build a plan to re-member the Body of Christ. Keeping in mind the mentoring relationships already present in your own life, and remembering where people already gather in church and community, let's think together now about some possible areas where a mentoring relationship could be put to use. 1. Leadership Development. "Ecclesia non est quae non habet sacecrdotes. No, that's not graffiti. It's part of a quote in Latin by St. Jerome from the beginning of the church's life. It translates something like this: "There can be no church community without a leader or team of leaders." It’s no less true today. The mission of a parish will be transformed, renewed, when its leadership is transformed, renewed in the Gospel. Mentoring pairs can be used to"proposition" and nurture leadership. Can we begin to see the recruitment of parish leadership not as a bureaucratic chore, but as opportunity for relationship building and nurture of adult faith? Barbara was the most effective chair of a parish evangelism committee I have ever seen. Under her leadership we began many programs for neighborhood children, an outreach in the Spanish and Korean languages, and systematic visitation of Sunday School and nursery school families. We became involved in church based community organizing. She was full of ideas, a creative leader with many contacts in the community. And she began her leadership because we propositioned her: one-to-one through a mentoring process. Before she became a leader in our parish she was a semi-active member who worshiped occasionally. But she was grateful for what the parish had done for her when her mother was ill, and for the support she received through the church's programs for children when she went through her divorce. And I heard her speak of this gratitude with deep conviction. Her ability and willingness to tell that story suggested to me that she could be a leader in evangelism. The transitions in her life suggested that she was at a growing point in her journey of faith. I asked her if she would meet with me for five sessions to talk about her spiritual life and the possibility of church leadership. The first week I listened as she shared her spiritual journey and I shared some of mine. The next week we tried to connect those stories to scripture and made an agreement to pray for the Spirit's guidance in each others lives. The following week we discussed Barbara’s spiritual gifts and areas in which she wanted to grow. The next week we talked about the church's needs. Finally I made her an offer she couldn't refuse! The flow of these times together suggests a model for the flow of each individual mentoring session: * "Show and Tell" (meeting on the road, sharing something about our journey and its current issues and growing edges) * "Into the Word" (making connections between the Biblical drama and our journeys) * "The Growing Edge" (insights into spiritual gifts, growth in faith and vocation) * "Making connections" (opportunities in church and world for ongoing service and growth) * "Mutual Propositions" (specific, concrete "next steps" in the walk of faith) Propositioning ("pro;" "position"--to put something before someone) is almost a lost art in American congregations. We either try to "sell" someone on something, cast out the net for volunteers through announcements, phone calls, or play "musical chairs" with the same weary leaders, anything but a human encounter. Barbara was just waiting for deeper relationships in the church and a credible invitation to grow in her faith through one of the church's ministries. There are several elements in making a proposition which cannot be ignored: + A serious proposition can only be made by someone with whom there is a relationship. Our mentoring relationship had enabled me to get into her world and connect with issues in her life. + A proposition is always reciprocal. In return for her leadership of the parish evangelism effort I offered monthly one hour meetings with myself, and the past chair offered weekly one hour meetings. Thus mentoring pairs sustained Barbara's ministry. Her ministry was rooted in relationships and ongoing probing and growth. + Because it is relational and reciprocal, a proposition can only be done in an :individual one-to-one meeting. It implies the matter is serious and important. + A proposition lays out "the whole story." There is no deceiving of potential leaders. And because it is reciprocal, propositions are also negotiable. Jesus told a parable about the builder who must "count the cost" before building the city. + A proposition is always relevant to the burning issues in a person's life. This is why leadership development should always be based on the continual listening presence of the congregation. A congregation in which a variety of small groups and mentoring pairs, and systematic visitation occur is always in touch with the passion and competence of its members. + A proposition is always a challenge, an opportunity to grow. Instead of playing musical chairs with parish leadership positions, leadership development can be a part of the continual adult faith formation of a congregation. + A proposition is grounded in intercessory prayer. Whether a person accepts the proposition or not, the person is asked to pray for the ministry and the one making the proposition promises to pray for the spiritual growth of the mentoring partner. Relationships begun for the time of the mentoring continue in the power of prayer, and the ministry has gained an advocate. 2. Welcoming New Members and Encouraging Their Spiritual Gifts. Many congregations are using mentoring pairs as part of incorporation of new members into the congregation. The new member class is followed by a series of four to eight mentoring sessions between a trained congregational leader and the person preparing for membership. These ministry coaches and new members share their faith journeys, parts of Scripture that deal with spiritual gifts (such as I Peter 4: 1 0; I Cor. 12; Ephesians 4) and baptism, the particular gifts of the new member, and opportunities in the congregation to use those gifts. When a person becomes a member they are already active in sharing their gifts in the life of the congregation and on behalf of the congregation in their daily lives. 3. Confirmation and Preparing For the Sacraments. There are many good models in use which pair confirmands with mentors in the faith as they prepare to reaffirm their baptismal vows as adult members of the congregation. in these models the confirmand and mentor create with the pastor and confirmand's family a covenant describing the material to be covered, assignments to be completed, and a time frame for the process. The advantage of using the mentoring model in confirmation ministry is the mutual conversation on issues of faith and life. Like the Ethiopian, the confirmand has a Philip to come up and sit with him and explore the meaning of the Church's faith. You might devise your own program in your congregation with the following elements: +An initial meeting with pastor\catechist, students and their parents\guardians, mentors to introduce the program and the mentoring covenant. +Occasional retreats in which the pastor\catechist would present sections of the catechism, and the group would experience communal worship and discussion. +A training session for mentors. +Assignment of mentors for each student to explore, in seven sessions, each of the chief parts of the catechism. Materials would encourage questions and exploration between mentoring sessions. +Celebration\dinner bringing mentors, students and families together after the process. +Mentors and catechumens stand together at the altar reaffirming their baptisms on confirmation day. A program like this may be one, modest way to encircle the catechumen within the relationships of the Body of Christ before confirmation (and, it seems, the inevitable graduation from the church). 4. Marriage Preparation and Enrichment. Mentoring pairs can supplement the ministry of a congregation to those who will be married. Conversations with the pastor would still be central to the process. But a parish might also offer the wisdom and presence of mature married couples in the congregation who would be willing to spend some time with those about to be married. In this model, husbands covenant with husbands-to-be, wives with wives-to-be to explore some of the dimensions and questions concerning Christian marriage. Ongoing training might be offered for these mentoring couples. Perhaps they are already active in marriage enrichment programs of parish or community. The series of three to five sessions might cover such topics as: the wedding; the first year; spiritual enrichment of marriage; communication; mutual goals for the marriage. Especially if the couple about to be married is also an evangelism prospect, a program like this can also build relationships with companions in the church who can support them not only in their marriage, but also in their incorporation into the congregation. Married couples can also form mentoring pairs to enrich of their own marriage. A congregation might gather couples willing to enter a paired relationship, undergirded the effort with the prayers of the parish, and then gather the couples after the process to share insights and issues. Paired couples might cover areas of stress (time; money; sex; extended family and friends are statistically the biggest ones), study scripture relating to marriage, explore dreams and goals for the marriage, and share the spiritual journey of each spouse. 5. Accompanying the Chronically Ill, the Bereaved, the Hospitalized, the Dying. "When you are flat on your back you have no other choice but to look up." Certainly, life's trouble and tragedy can present us with "teachable moments" in the faith. We become vulnerable, we question God, we look at our mortal limits. A mentoring program can help provide guides and companions while we are "in the valley." Here are a few examples of one to one mentoring pairs a congregation can offer to its members and folks in the community when their lives are touched by pain and loss. # In Grief- Three to six months after a death a widow, widower or other bereaved person might be invited into a one-to-one ministry with a trained mentor who has also suffered loss. Sometimes people are not ready for support groups but may be open to a more private healing ministry. This ministry might also be offered to the people in the community who are not members of the congregation. # In Unemployment: Those who are unemployed, have recently divorced, or suffered other loss can be offered a one-to- one ministry with a trained mentor who has been through similar circumstances. # In Illness- People living with chronic illness, or who must be in a hospital or other institution for extended periods of time can be offered a one to one ministry with a trained visitor or mentor. 6. Nurture of Volunteers The ministry of the many parish volunteers can be nurtured and supported by one-to- one relationships. A congregation that invests in the growth of its leaders and volunteers is a congregation continually renewing its gifts of the Spirit. The following are just some of the arenas in which new volunteers might be paired with veterans, or those who simply desire growth in their service can be paired with mentors: # Sunday school teachers, adult youth program advisors, leaders of adult Bible study groups, catechists, other teaming ministry volunteers. For example, Sunday School teachers might covenant to meet weekly around the next week's lesson topic for a period of a month or more. # Volunteers in social ministry programs, such as shelter and soup kitchen workers, hospital visitors, nurturers of the parish transition housing program. # Assisting ministers, altar guild members, Eucharistic ministers, and others who serve in the public and extend parish liturgies. 7. Mutual Spiritual Growth in Work, Daily Life. The ministry of the baptized is a daily walk with Jesus, wherever the Christian lives, works or plays. Some have suggested that the public worship of the church is a lot like campaign headquarters, with the campaign being the incoming Reign of God in the world. We gather to lick our wounds, get inspiration for the campaign, reaffirm our loyalty to it, plan tactics, and then return to the world. "Go in peace, serve the Lord," is not the end of the liturgy, but a transition for its continuation in the world. As a way to help equip the baptized for the campaign of Christ in the world, the pairing of Christians for mutual growth can be a great help. Here is how one such program might look. • On a Sunday during the worship service (or Saturday night or whenever the liturgies of the parish are celebrated) consider doing together "The Affirmation of the Vocation of Christians in the World" from the LBW Occasional Services liturgy. At the liturgy identify and pray for those Christians who will be forming mentoring pairs for the purpose of mutual support and growth in their ministries in daily life, especially around issues of work. • Host an early Monday morning breakfast at which the mentoring covenant would be affirmed and training conducted on the materials. • The mentoring pairs would then meet weekly for two months, perhaps at lunch, or at a mutually convenient time. • The effort would be undergirded by mutual prayer of the participants and weekly prayer at the public liturgies. • Mutual conversation in the mentoring pairs would include portions of scripture; the sharing of work experiences; faith and prayer issues; identification of people in daily life who may be open to the Gospel and invitations into the life of the church; and the relationship of their daily life experience and spiritual gifts to the needs of the church. • The group would meet again for breakfast at the end of the two months, share experiences and plan how to share their growth with the congregation. • At the next public liturgy they might speak of their spiritual experience, prayers would be offered, and the "Affirmation of the Vocation of Christians in the World" would again be used. • Follow up on the program might include invitations to evangelism prospects raised in the mentoring sessions, identification of new leaders and ministries which emerged in the conversations, and the planning of the next round of "mentoring for ministry in daily life." 8. Spiritual Conversation With Unchurched Friend, Co-worker, Neighbor, Relative. Here we will want to remember that Jesus not only called Peter to "feed my lambs," but also to be a "fisher of people." One way a faithful congregation can carry out the great commission is to offer spiritual seekers a one-to-one relationship with a member of the church. As church members we relate one-on-one with those within the household so that we have a chance to tell our stories of faith and hear the stories of others. When we are comfortable sharing them with fellow believers we will also be able to articulate them to others and hear their own spiritual longings. Spiritual seekers may come to the attention of the church in a variety of ways: They may be found among the many who come to the church as visitors at worship, for baptism, marriage, funerals, or as a part of extended families at confirmations and first communions. When those who are seeking identify themselves by asking questions, the pastor or someone from evangelism committee might offer them an invitation to a seeker's class, or invite them into a one-to-one relationship. In this way the seeker can explore their spiritual questions and\or think about the possibility of church membership. # Each year many congregations take the time to encourage each member to invite another to church. A mentoring relationship could be a "next step" in the nurture of faith. # Co-workers and neighbors often inquire about things of the faith and the church with church members. # Close relations or friends at various points in their lives seek to know more about God, Scripture, things of the Spirit, the Church. Those about to enter into this mentoring ministry with spiritual seekers should study together mentoring stories from Scripture: Jesus and Mary and Martha; Peter and Cornelius; Jesus and Nicodemus; Jesus and the woman at the Samaritan well; Philip and the Ethiopian, and many others. Training for mentors might include an overview of Scripture, its central message and prominent themes; an overview of the small catechism; practice in articulating ones own faith story and spiritual journey; much prayer for those about to enter into these relationships. 9. Continuing Vocational Formation Between Ministers Pastors, Associates in Ministry, Deacons, Teachers and other public ministers of the church ought to continue to grow in their vocational understandings and skills. Those new to their ministry might pick out someone whose ministry they admire and approach them to form a mentoring pair. Synods and Conferences might consider a formal program of ongoing mentoring pairs as a part of its support for the public ministry of the Church. 10. Spiritual Direction: High School Seniors, College Graduates, Post Confirmation Surveys indicate that vocational choices and concern for the future are high matters of great interest for young people. Confirmands and high school and college graduates may appreciate concrete and practical advice and value a chance to explore the future with those who are able to listen and offer hard earned wisdom. For confirmands
the mentoring issues could include high school life, peer
pressures and the choices facing young people, introduction to "the world of
work," arenas of service within the church, spiritual growth. 11. Interparish Ministry Consultation Effective mentoring relationships can often be established across parish lines. When we began a nursery and kindergarten our new principal spent six one-to-one sessions with the principal of a neighboring established parish school. Social ministry coordinators, evangelism chairs, stewardship committee chairs, parish presidents have much to give and to receive from one another. In mission strategy processes in our synod we try to facilitate such mutual consultation as we seek renewal of mission. 12. Helping Inactive Members Explore Faith Issues. Some call it "cleaning the rolls." Others call them "delinquent" members. Still others name "backdoor losses." But congregations that ignore the spiritual well being of those members who have drifted away are congregations needing a renewal of their mission. Congregations may have a variety of shepherding programs, ways of keeping in touch with inactive members. Sometimes, however, we do not offer those who have been away for a while a chance to explore spiritual or life issues in a safe relationship. Not only do such relationships offer the inactive member a way to grow, they offer important insights that the congregation may need to hear. The invitation to the inactive member might be: "We miss you, we want you back, but we would also like to take the time to hear you. What's been going on in your life? What are your thoughts about your experience with out church? How's your soul? If you tell us, we'll listen and join the conversation." This list covers only some opportunities for one to one ministry. You may have many more. What would you add to the list? Which would you pick to do first? As you think and pray about these opportunities remember the stormy sea and the Loved One approaching on the water. "And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water." Jesus said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water."
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