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Getting Parents Aboard for Children's Faith Journeys

"We need to sensitize the church that a Christian household is a primary place for faith nurture, regardless of family structure." This was a prime conclusion of participants in the Lutheran World Federation International Family Ministry Conference held in 1993. That conclusion parallels the findings of the Search Institute Study; telling us that...

1. talking with one's mother about her faith,
2. talking with one's father about his faith,
3. family devotions, and
4. family helping projects ...are factors which most promote faith, nurture and development in children and youth.

Why communicate with the home? A renewed emphasis in the church today is Luther's belief that the Christian home IS church, i.e., church means gathering in living rooms, as well as in sanctuaries. To believe and be committed to the concept that parents are the key educators of children and youth provides the reason and power for focusing on communicating with parents.

What should be communicated?

What concepts and understanding are basic when communicating with parents in these frantic days? This partial check list provides a starting point:

1. an inclusive understanding of the diverse meanings of "family" with different forms, more than one or two generations, etc.
    
2. knowing and believing the meaning and importance of baptism and keeping an awareness of it
    
3. the necessity of helping parents to know WHY they are the key educators of their children's faith development
    
4. the importance of communication between mother/father (or surrogate) about identifying family values which are basic to being role models to children and youth
    
5. significance of communicating about faith matters within the home
    
6. making connections with weekly worship experiences at the church

How to approach this challenge

7. Assemble a team of committed individuals. Include pastor(s) and other staff persons; learning, worship, and evangelism leaders; and teachers.
    
8. Begin with prayer and enthusiastic and persevering attitudes.
    
9. Depend on parents to respond to how the church can provide opportunities for exploring their faith with one another as well as with their children.
    
10. Be aware of the developmental differences in the age level of children and youth. These differences will affect how parents will help nurture their child's faith.
     
11. Custom make any plans for working with individual parents or groups of parents.
     
12. Resist the temptation of being content to work only with members. Do make individual invitations and follow-ups with fathers.
     
13. Be patient with what is undertaken and seek to remain optimistic despite few obvious results. Building and developing relationships between the church and home and parents with children is an involved process and requires ongoing prayer and attention.

Especially for teachers, group leaders Your work in the church schools, confirmation ministry, small groups, etc. will surely present frequent opportunities to talk with parents and build relationships with them. Think of yourself as one "of a team" that seeks to nurture the faith of children and youth.

A few suggestions when working with parents:

1. While your prime concern is the children's faith development, help parents to see their children with physical, mental, emotional and psychological as well as spiritual developmental needs.
    
2. Be aware that parents usually know their children better than anyone else.
    
3. Show respect for their religious and faith experiences even when those may be very different from one's own.
    
4. Avoid making any judgments on the level of faith of the parents or the children.
    
5. Seek to know the family situation and be aware of any cultural differences in families.
    
6. Listen carefully to any parent concerns and clarify by asking questions without immediately offering advice and solutions.
    
7. Pose questions to help parents grow in understanding your role in working with them.
    
8. Suggest specific resources aimed at any particular concerns or direct them to other persons for support and help.
    
9. Praise the positive understandings and attitudes you observe in their children.
    
10. Remember that, without exception, they desire the best for their children.
     
11. Call on different parents (fathers included) for their involvement in whatever ways possible such as: ask three or four to help plan and carry out a fun night at church; invite their help with class projects; or involve them in service projects with their children.
     
12. Use the telephone before you first meet your group or class; whenever the child is absent, especially if more than two consecutive times; if there are behavioral concerns and you are feeling that help is needed.

What resources can help?

1. Parents, grandparents, professional teachers and counselors in the congregation who have faith journeys and gifts to share when working with parents.
    
2. Lutheran Social Services in your area often have family programs.
    
3. Community Family Resource Centers that offer a variety of workshops, support groups, etc. that will have some relationship to meeting needs of different parents.
    
4. Synod office and staff. Does your synod (or several synods together) have a resource center? Ask for names of persons to contact from other congregations who are already intentionally working with parents. Seek out helpful ideas, videos, study resources, etc. from the center as you identify needs and goals with different parent groups.

Other resources

Learning the Language of Faith in the Home, video available from Augsburg Youth and Family Institute Active Christian Parenting, a video-based kit including parent and leader guides, available from Augsburg Fortress. 1-800-328-4648.

Families: Quality Relationships in Changing Times, 6 videotapes with leader guide - Available from Voyageur Communications. (218) 861-6542.

It Takes More Than Love, a parenting video series. 1-800-733-3413.

Train Up a Child, series on Mosaic videos, January, February, March, 1990.

How to Raise Parents in These Troubled Times, 2-part video, Franciscan Communications.

Bringing Up Children in the Christian Faith by John Westerhoff III, Harper, 1980.

Families Where Grace is in Place, by Bethany House, 1992.

Regarding Children: A New Respect for Childhood and Families by Herbert Anderson and Susan B. W. Johnson, Westminster/J. Knox, 1994.

Tis a Gift to Be Simple: Embracing the Freedom of Living with Less by Barbara DeGrote- Sorensen and David Sorensen, Augsburg Fortress, 1992.



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Permission is granted for congregations of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America to reproduce this resource for local use.